Write a multimedia script. You can try anything from a screenplay scene to a short video script to an all audio script to a storyboard.
A scene adapted from “Big Man,” by Clarence Clemons
Chapter: “The Legend from Under the Boardwalk, Early ’70s”
FADE IN
EXT. UNDER A BOARDWALK AT THE JERSEY SHORE – DUSK
A warm summer evening minutes before nightfall. The light over the ocean is fading into a blue/gray hue. CRASHING waves are heard nearby.
The beach is nearly empty of the day’s visitors. CLARENCE and BRUCE are hidden away under the boardwalk, crouching on the lumps of cooling sand. Above them, through the weathered wooden planks, the MUDDLED CONVERSATIONS and LAUGHTER from passersby. Tinny carnival music PLAYS in the background.
Both men are dressed in shorts, T-shirts and are barefoot, their flip-flops tossed off, allowing them to wiggle their toes in the sand.
Beer cans are CRACKING.
BRUCE
(guzzling a beer)
Do you remember their names?
CLARENCE
Um, one of them’s Ann. And I think the blonde is Janie. Yeah, Ann and Janie.
BRUCE
What time did you tell them we’d meet them there?
CLARENCE
I didn’t. But I figured we’d head on over to the Pony around 9.
Bruce CRUMBLES a beer can with one hand, tosses it into the paper bag containing a six pack, pulls out another can, then CRACKS it open.
BRUCE
I think it hit 90 today. God I love this weather!
CLARENCE
Me too, man.
BRUCE
If you could have any car in the world, what would it be?
CLARENCE
Hmm, a Vette. Yeah, a yellow Corvette.
BRUCE
(sighing)
Ahhh someday… But make mine black. (laughing)
The sky has now darkened. The only visible light from across the ocean comes from the blinking offshore boats about a mile or so away.
BRUCE
I wonder who’s on those boats.
CLARENCE
That’s funny! I was just thinking the same thing!
BRUCE
Yeah, probably some fat-cat lawyer from the city out all day on his fancy cabin cruiser with his buxom blond secretary – except the engine blows and now he has to call the Coast Guard. But his wife’s brother is in the Coast Guard, and then she finds out and he loses the boat and everything else in the divorce. Then the secretary splits and his kids stop talking …
Clarence breaks in.
CLARENCE
Man you’re a good storyteller!
BRUCE
Nah, I’m just a good bullshitter.
Clarence pulls out another beer from the bag and CRACKS it open.
CLARENCE
I really want to make a living with the horn, y’know. Couldn’t deal with another straight job.
BRUCE
Me too, man. Pulling up them weeds and mowing lawns took time away from practicing. Hey, maybe whoever’s at the Pony -- I think it's Billy and Vini -- will let us sit in for a little bit tonight again. That’ll impress Ann and what’s her name.
FADE OUT
Very nice adaptation. I am unfamiliar with “Big Man,” by Clarence Clemons but this scene was very interesting because we can almost tell the attitudes and emotions of Bruce and Clarence from this one part of the chapter.
ReplyDeleteGood work!
Nice refreshing adaptation. I too am unfamiliar with "Big Man," but you make it sound like your own. I can hear those beer cracking, made me want one! I enjoyed your simple descriptions of the atmosphere at the time of day and how the conversation with the characters was clean and kept moving smoothly. I would love to read a scene like this from your experiences outdoors running or exercising and what the world looks like to you when you are out there. Nice work!
ReplyDeleteI like your choice.
ReplyDeleteThere is a good, natural flow to the dialogue. The opening starts a few times in terms of the description. Think of each sentence as a beat. Do we need the waves crashing and then the sounds of the boardwalk and then beers cracking? It is all beautiful detail, but could be done faster.
If you get a chance, look at WrightWrong’s script. He has the same clear attention to dialogue and scene as you do, but he also has momentum. Not that every scene has to be an action sequence, but finding the tension in the scene would help it along. Get in and get out. Why are we here? Is it the tension between these men and their dreams, their talent and one another? I like the talk of the girls, but we don’t need the weather report, and the dream car is redundant.
The dream boat serves your purpose better by giving Bruce a muse. I’d like his story to be a little more individual, less cliché. This is the Boss we are talking about. His characters are always unique. They always have a name. He would see beyond the rich man formula to the real guy on that boat.
That’ll impress Ann and what’s her name. That’s a nice full circle close.
Good work.